The Heart Of A Lion
by kitkags
Summary: "Good afternoon, Sir Gregoire, Sir Irving," he said, bowing his head towards the elders. "And to you, Mage." Kagome seemed displeased by this title and gave him a little glare. "My name is Kagome. Higurashi Kagome."
1. Chapter 1

This is the sfw version of my fill of the prompt from the Kagome xover discord (link on my tumblr at kitkags).

The prompt was Noble and Knight;

"In some way, one of us was hired to help and/or protect the other. We've now spent so much time together that we've seen each other's best and worst sides, and fallen hard for each other, but… Wouldn't it be taking advantage of my position as your employer/protector for me to say anything? And we just keep at it like this, with a mountain of LUST between us."

Please enjoy this beast of a mini-fic that I've smashed out in a day, and I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, as my spellcheck crapped out on me partway through.

The first time that Cullen saw her he was eighteen. Fresh from his templar training, he had been stationed at Kinloch Hold, forced to hold the same aching position for hours at the front of the library. The hours all blurred together, and privately in his mind he wondered at the point of the gruelling training he had undertaken to be nothing more than a glorified babysitter.

The doors had swung open, then, and trailing behind the powerful Knight-Commander Greagoir and First Enchanter Iriving was _her_. Back then she was just a small slip of a girl, pale and slender and oh so _tiny_. But her eyes were the deepest blue and were so wide and full of wonder as she walked around, eyes roaming the contents of the great library. She had the biggest smile, and she would occasionally wander over to a shelf, her hands brushing over the worn spines of the books almost reverently. "I can read all of _these_?" She said, accent strange and heavy. Cullen wondered at her origins, she was clearly not Ferelden.

Irving chuckled, happy to see a young one with such an enthusiasm for knowledge. "These are all free for you to look over at your leisure, little one."

While Irving was all soft edges and kindness Gregoire was harsh lines and frustration. The Knight-Commander tapped his gloves hands against the metal of his armour, a deep frown on his face. "There is a lot of ground to cover – if we could continue?" The way the older Templar said this seemed to imply that they had stopped so the girl could marvel over other parts of the building several times already, and Cullen had to hide the slight smile at the dour man's irritation.

"Books are very important, Gregoire-sama!" The girl only chirped, sliding a book whose cover she had been eyeing back into its resting place. "Reading is very calming, maybe you would enjoy it?" Gregoire's frown deepened into a scowl and this time Cullen did allow a smile to crack, which quickly disappeared when the old templars eyes slide over to him. Irving was grinning openly, however, not afraid of his colleague's ire.

"Cullen," Gregoire snarled, fingers beckoning him from his spot against the wall. "Allow me to introduce you to our newest member of Kinloch Hold." Cullen relished the opportunity to move – and indulge in his curiosity.

"Good afternoon, Sir Gregoire, Sir Irving," he said, bowing his head towards the elders. "And to you, Mage."

Kagome seemed displeased by this title and gave him a little glare. "My _name_ is Kagome. Higurashi Kagome."

She had a lot of attitude, he could already tell, and he wondered if she would be one of those _problem_ Mage's and prayed she wouldn't be. He had seen what happened to problem Mages. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to offend, Ka-go-me." He said, sounding the words out and deciding that he actually liked the foreign name.

"Kagome will be here for the foreseeable future while she is being trained," Irving said smoothly, interrupting Kagome's no doubt sarcastic response with a genial smile. He placed his hand on her shoulder affectionately. "Kagome, please don't try to antagonise our hard working Templars while you're here."

Kagome giggled, hiding her smile behind her dainty hand. "I cannot make any promises, Irving-sama," Her eyes found his and sparkled, he almost lost his breath.

"Yes, well let us move on, there is more to this place then the library." Grumbled Gregoire, before turning and stalking moodily towards the exit. Kagome and Irving shared a look of amusement which seemed to imply that they had both enjoyed annoying him before following after him in a leisurely pace. She had paused she before she left the room to turn and wave at him, a cheeky smile on her face as she called out to him.

"See you around, Templar!"

And she was gone, leaving him with more questions then answers.

After that first time he would see her around a lot, especially in the Library which seemed to be her favourite spot. She would grab several large books and haul them into the cosiest looking corner and settle down, melding her back against the wall. It allowed her a decent amount of privacy, since most Mages prefered using the tables and chairs provided to them and her small figure would mean a lot of people would pass by her unnoticed.

He had taken to slowly inching closer to her chosen resting spot and casually reading over her shoulder, interested in part in what interested _her_ and also in the books in general, as it was not something he was really allowed to do when he was supposed to be keeping guard.

Kagome had noticed his slow creep into her personal bubble and had taken to explaining to subject of the books. Eventually she would delve into stories about her life back home in the far distant country of Higashiyama.

He had heard briefly during his training of Higashiyama – a land across the treacherous Amaranthine ocean – but very little was known about this land as up until as little as fifty years ago there had been no known contact between them and the rest of Thedas. The group of envoys who had travelled across the ocean for the first time and landed in Denerim had been met with much resistance. The death of the main envoy was met with the destruction of the harbour and for five years there had been the threat of a great and terrible war.

And then the Inu no Taishou of Higashiyama had arrived and the threat of war was gone. Few were privy to the meeting between the Taishou or King of Ferelden's conversation, but the result was an olive branch – the Taishou would present them every 10 years with a Holy Priest or Priestess. Golden-green eyes flickered to the girl who was curled around a dusty old tome at his feet and he wondered at the power she held within. From what he understood, she was both a Mage and Not. Magic coursed through her, but it was different to the Magi who surrounded him. He understood very little about her powers, and she had not explained it herself. She had mentioned, offhandedly, that she was not allowed to discuss it, especially around the other Magi.

"How long did you have to train for, Cullen?" It was the first time she had spoken in two hours, and he was surprised by the question. He noticed the lack of honorific attached to his name, and he realised that over the last few months her accent hadn't become as heavy. She was adapting to her new home, and he wondered if she ever missed home. He certainly did, and he had been so glad to leave.

"Most recruits are taken from a young age, but I was thirteen. I had to beg the local charter to take me in…" He smiled slightly at the memories of those times. They felt hazy, like he had left a hundred years ago not five. "I trained day and night for five years."

"Gregoire calls you 'wet behind the ears'," Kagome grinned at the silly term – and at Ferelden's lack of tact. "You're new here too, right?" Kagome had put down her book, her elbows resting on the hard outer cover in a way that would no doubt have Sweeney in a snit if he saw her. She seemed to enjoy causing a little bit of trouble, and her wild personality was always amusing to see in action, especially when her sass wasn't directed at _him_.

"I was actually only stationed her one week before you arrived."

Kagome flashed him a smile that made his cheeks warm. "It must be fate that we met then, Cullen!"

"Fate?" He echoed, a blonde eyebrow raising.

"Mhmm," She hummed, nodding enthusiastically. "We are both outsiders here. It's good to know I have a friend." The word touched his heart, if it's slightly faster beat was any indication. He was so engrossed in the term of being dubbed as her friend he missed the slightly melancholic look that entered her expressive eyes.

"Kagome!" Cullen stepped several paces away and straightened at the sound of the voice, attempting to make it look like he hadn't just been fraternizing with his ward. Kagome bounced to her feet, arms wrapped protectively around the heavy books. "Ah, there you are – hiding away in that dusty old corner," Irving smiled gently at the young girl, eyes warm. It was clear that he had a lot of affection for her. "Sorry to pull you away from your books, my dear, but we have lessons to attend to. And please make sure to put those back in the _correct_ place this time, poor Sweeney almost had a fit when he realised you messed up his ordering."

Kagome hung her head guiltily and sluggishly moved to put away her books before dutifully filing out after her mentor. Once again, once she was at the exit she glanced his way and waved goodbye.

In her absence, Cullen often thought about the promises he had made and where Kagome the Not-quite-Mage Mage fit into it. She had called him friend, and it had warmed him in a way he didn't quite understand. He had taken oaths to kill any abomination, but if she became one would he be able to raise his sword to her?

The answer in his heart scared him, and he resolved that he needed to distance himself from her.

Cullen had requested a change in location and he was given the task to oversee the Harrowings. This process had always terrified him, that people he knew could go in one way and come out changed, _corrupted_. He had been taught that killing them would be a mercy, that releasing them from the prison of possession was more important than his own personal feelings about the act.

For the first few weeks he had only dealt with one unsuccessful Harrowing and the event left him with nightmares. In his dormitory, he would writhe and shiver and remember the fear he felt when in the presence of the monstrous Lust demon. It had tried to tempt him, but unbidden in his mind he remembered her – Kagome, his mind had whispered softly – and then his resolution was solid. He had lifted the blade and plunged it into the chest of the Mage, thankfully not one of his wards from the library. He could not let the beast leave the Harrowing chamber, lest it come into contact with Kagome or the rest of the tower. He had heard of the dangers that just one Demon could cause, and he would not see this tower fall to ruin.

Even though he knew the decision was the correct one, he still couldn't stop the sight of the Demon in human skin terrorizing his dreams.

Three months after his relocation Cullen met Amell, and she had a similar cheeky personality to a certain raven haired female. Unlike Kagome, though, there was a certain sultry undertone to Amell's gentle teasing, and when she finally propositioned him Cullen could only do one thing – run away.

The next time he had seen her, she was in the harrowing chamber, a sharp look in her eye and she didn't even spare him an extra glance. Cullen wasn't sure if it was because of his – admittedly childish – rejection or because of her strong resolve for the no doubt difficult task she will have to complete. "Freya Amell – you may begin."

An hour later and Amell was back with them, having successfully completed her Harrowing she was now a full member of the Circle of Magi. As soon as she was given this title she had glanced at him and offered him a wink, giggling at the pink blush that tinged his cheeks.

Maker, she made him feel like such a _child_ instead of a almost nineteen year old _man_.

"Was you worried about me, Cullen?" She purred as she sauntered towards him, and he had to stop himself from taking a step back and backing into the wall.

"O-of course not," He stammered, eyes darting to look past her, begging someone, _anyone_ , to interrupt.

The doors were flung open at that exact moment, and who would stroll through the door leisurely but Kagome? Immediately he turned to look at her, fear sinking in his heart. Why was she here, she was just fourteen surely they didn't - ?

Amell had huffed slightly at his instant disregard for her person but he also turned to watch as the dark-haired girl walked past them coolly.

"I was requested, Knight-Commander Gregoire?" She asked in an unusually serious tone. Cullen could tell that she was trying to appear taller, her back completely straight and head held high. And not even looking in his direction.

"Amell – congratulations on passing your Harrowing. Now if you could please leave?"

Amell bowed her head once in a quick sign of understanding, taking two steps away from the Templar she had practically pinned against the wall. "Good luck," she said as she passed by the younger apprentice.

Kagome's icy eyes flickered towards the noble, a slight smile on her face. "Thank you, congratulations to you, too."

And then Amell was gone, and Cullen forgot himself. "Sir Gregoire – surely you can't be serious? Kagome had only been here a scant few months, she is too young, you cannot –"

"I can and will do what I see fit, boy. You seem to have forgotten who calls the shots here." Gregoire snarled and Cullen fell back but looked like he still wanted to say something, his hands clenching and unclenching in his frustration.

"And besides," Irving cut in, his own worried gaze drifting to the girl who stood in the centre of them all silently, as if she wasn't privy to the very conversation happening around her. "Kagome had asked for this."

Gold eyes snapped to her slight form, and he wished she would do anything to show that she felt his stare. But no, she just stood, silent and resolute. "Why-"

"It seems you have gotten too comfortable around this young Mage – maybe we should investigate into the nature of your relationship?"

"There is no relationship to investigate, Sir. Please, can we just continue, the lyrium is burning me from here." Kagome's voice was soft but not light like it usually was. Even as she said this, she did not look at him, and the pain and fear he felt in his heart consumed him.

What if she didn't succeed? What if she was overcome? What if, what if, what if?

"Please step forwards, Kagome. Your Harrowing begins now."

All in all, the whole affair that was Kagome's harrowing only took a total of ten minutes. Ten agonizing minutes, for Cullen, whose limbs felt like they were made from led. He was sure that when it came to it, he wouldn't be able to be the one to stop her.

He needn't have worried, for Kagome returned to them in record time, and when she came back there was a powerful blast of magic that even the templars could not dispel. It washed over him, like lightning in its intensity but not painful. It was...tingly. And it brought him to one knee, panting at its force. When he opened his eyes her skin was aglow in a power that he could not name, her hair drifting in an unseen breeze.

She looked ethereal.

Cullen considered himself a man of the Maker, but in that moment he could've sworn she was some sort of Goddess, and he would have gladly prayed to her.

Kagome's eyes slowly opened, and with it the glow faded, her hair returning to its usual wild position, her clothes unruffled. In a circle around her, the rest of the room were all in different states of disarray but they all shared the same expression – awe.

After Kagome's show of strange power all of the Mages and Templars present had been sworn to secrecy, with the promise of punishment should word of her get out, especially to the outsiders of the Tower.

Cullen had attempted to see her, but he was turned away by Gregoire and Irving themselves, who advised him that his clear attachment to her was better left alone and he had been so embarrassed as his own obviousness that he hadn't even defended himself against their words. Even worse, he _agreed_ – he _should_ stay away, but he could not.

In the end, the decision was made for him when he was called into Irving's office one night a week after Kagome's harrowing.

"Good evening, Cullen, are you well?" The aging Mage asked, sitting comfortably behind his desk, hands laced together as Cullen shuffled into the room. He had been in his dorm, getting ready for bed when he had been sent for, and it felt strange being out of his armour in front of the other man.

"I am fine, thank you." It was a lie, he was _not_ fine, he hadn't been fine since the first time he had seen Kagome. "How are you, First Enchanter Irving?"

The man smiled, taking a long sip of his tea and Cullen had the distinct awareness that the other much wiser male probably saw right through his lie. "I am well, considering the departure of my favourite student."

Cullen had nodded then paused, jerking his eyes to meet the others. "Do you mean –?"

"Our dear Kagome, yes." Setting down the cup, he frowned thoughtfully. "I should not be telling you this information, but I will, because I can see her importance to you." Cullen swallowed thickly, unable to even voice his appreciation for the consideration shown to him.

"Kagome has been called to Denerim to act as an aide to the King and Queen of Ferelden. Kagome's incredible and unusual power no doubt is the reason for this, and it is indeed a great honour, however, I worry – she is young and inexperienced and I am afraid the courts will consume her."

Cullen felt dizzy from all of this new information, and his heart cycled through several emotions; sadness, regret, pride, fear. He had so much he wanted to say, but instead he settled for a soft, "She is not made for the court, her wild heart will get her in trouble."

Irving chuckled, but it held little mirth. "Yes, our Kagome will most likely find herself in a whole host of trouble."

A silence settled between them and Cullen sighed, heavily, his eyes closing as he massaged his temples to fight a headache that brewed in his tired skull. He leant his head in his arms. "I will miss her." He said simply, after some tired.

Irving reached over the desk, and patted his shoulder comfortingly. "So will I, young Templar."

A sudden thought occurred to him, and he stood, his chair crashing backwards and tipping at his haste. "Is she still here? Can I see her?"

The First Enchanter shook his head, and he immediately deflated. "She was taken this afternoon. I could not risk telling you earlier, I knew you would do something reckless."

Cullen flushed, knowing that he was right. "However, it is not all bad. I hear that your order likes to rotate the guards every few years, is that not true?"

Cullen could only frown, not sure what the older male was implying. "Yes – it is to ensure that the Templars do not get too attached to their wards."

Irving smiled at his lack of understanding. "And perhaps, in a few years, with some good recommendations from the First Enchanter and Knight-Commander you would manage to find a new station in somewhere as illustrious as Denerim, perhaps even the palace?"

Finally, it clicked and Cullen could not stop that hope that bloomed in his chest. "Really?"

"Indeed, if the young Templar shows his worth enough."

Cullen had decided to throw himself into his duties with renewed vigour, aiming to gain the notice and esteem of his commanding officer. The hope that one day the praise for his hard work would give him even a _chance_ of seeing Kagome again fueled him.

He promised himself that he would be distant but not unkind. He would watch over the Mages and would not get attached, no matter how much Amell tried to coerce him, but he would not be cruel, not like the other Templars. Kagome had once admitted to him how much she disliked the Templars who abused their powers over the mages. Before he had seen it as an unfortunate but necessary precaution, but she had believed that there could be peace between them and so would he.

But hope can only sustain you so far.

Cullen felt himself begin to unravel on the day that the tower became overcome with Demons. Uldred's corruption and betrayal cut deep and he felt the first burning sensation of hatred for magic. Hope had no place in your heart when you looked at the faces of your murdered comrades, of your twisted, demon-tainted wards. People he had sworn to protect had turned on him, and he had thought that he could look over these people with a gentle kindness? Did he think he could honestly deter a potential power-mad bloodmage through, what, _positivity?_

Locked in the magical cage, damaged, he cursed himself for being so soft-hearted. Cursed himself for being weak. Maybe if he had been stronger he would've noticed the brewing discontent Uldred harboured? Would've been able to stop all this destruction?

He wanted to hate Kagome for making him care for her dangerous, wretched kind, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop his heart from pining for her. So he hated himself instead.

When Warden Cousland arrived with his party in tow, Cullen had been saved, but he wished he hadn't.

Cullen woke with a start, sweat matting curly blonde hair to his forehead. Cullen closed his eyes shut, one hand wrapped tight in the blankets at his waist and the other pressed sharply into his skull as he tried to shut out the memories from over ten years ago. He was thirty now, and still the memories from when he was eighteen haunted him.

Standing, Cullen glanced around the room and realised that he was not back in that blasted tower but in his own room at Skyhold. Running a hand through sweat-damp hair, Cullen pushed himself out of his bed and mechanically began the climb down the ladder, landing with a little 'thump' at the bottom, he twisted and immediately stalked towards the messy desk of his 'office'.

Throwing himself into his work always provided a small distraction, and Cullen glanced through the letters and summons, mind half focused on his morning task. Ah – Leliana requested for him to join them at the war table to discuss troop movements and something else he didn't bother to fully read. Glancing up at the hole in his ceiling – he really ought to get that fixed – he summarised that it was just past dawn, from the pale light that filtered through into the room.

The familiar tingle of magic at his back made him aware that the Magi from Redcliffe were awake and practising their rites, and he shuddered at the familiar way it washed over him, his own Templar abilities rising to the surface, wanting to reach out to extinguish the flame that was magic. He pushed it down with a heavy sigh.

Blessed Andraste, why had they decided to place the Magi tower so close to his own chosen accommodation?

The magic that washed over him was familiar yet so different to the wave of power he felt once, so long ago. A wave of power his own craved for, even all those years later.

Kagome.

The hollow ache in his chest at the thought of her name made him sigh again, self-hatred washing over him along with shame.

Ten years later he was still pining for a girl who he had purposely ignored and pushed away after a half-formed friendship that frightened him. Ten years later he still missed her, and he felt like even if he _did_ meet her, would she even recognize him? Would she even care?

And why would she?

And would she have heard the rumours, about him? Rumours he pretended not to hear. Rumours littered with some half-truths. Half truths that were enough to make him feel full of shame.

What if she hated him? What if she had heard about how he had treated her kind, would she see him as one of the power-mad, hateful Templars she had confessed she disliked so long ago?

And, he wondered, in the privacy of his mind, was he really any different from them?

It was for the best that he would likely never see her again, Cullen decided then, nodding his head to himself once before beginning the arduous task of arranging his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

Cullen felt himself feel almost light after his realisation that morning. He felt free with the knowledge that he would no longer torture himself about thoughts of how she would see him because she never would.

Striding into Josephine's office which preceded the War Room, he offered her a smile. The Antivan only raised a slender dark eyebrow in question, an amused quirk of her lips showing her amusement, but otherwise, she said nothing, for that he was thankful for. He wasn't sure if he could explain that he had decided to try and let go of a crush from ten years ago. "Did you get Leliana's note?" She said, delving right into work, as usual. "We have received an important guest, straight from Orlais."

Important guests arrived every day, but that was not cause for a meeting, usually. Well, only when Josephine wanted to impart the importance of good manners onto them. As the two began walking towards the War Room, he asked, "Are you hoping for her to become an ally, perhaps?"

Josephine nodded, smiling brightly. "Yes, she is a powerful Mage who has been providing aid to many villages in Ferelden _and_ Orlais. Finally, the Inquisitor had managed to track her and have convinced her to leave the village of Dupois to come to Skyhold and help us in the efforts to seal the breach."

If this mage wasn't with a circle and was wandering the lands, that meant she was an Apostate. Cullen wasn't sure if he could trust this person, but they already had several apostates within their circle, so at this point what was one more? Still, he would prefer to err on the side of caution.

"I suppose we should go and get this meeting done with, then." He said, pushing open the heavy doors and striding inside.

The Inquisitor stood at the centre of the table, staring down at the miniatures that littered the map contemplatively. To his left leant Leliana, who was pointing at the map and murmuring her ideas for a scouting mission.

"Commander, if I could please introduce you to our esteemed guest," His eyes followed her hand which gestured towards a petite figure curled up in the corner, in his chair, he noted, staring out the window.

The female turned brilliant blue eyes to him and he felt his heart stop. "Kagome Higurashi," Josephine finished.

Kagome's smile was wide and amused.

And the world stopped.

"Hello, Cullen."

Kagome was the first to break the silence between them, a familiar twinkle in her bright eyes as she hid her smile behind a hand.

Cullen's brain stopped and then started, and then stopped again. He opened his mouth, stuttering over half-formed words and questions and his face must have been burning scarlet it was so warm. "K-K-Kagome…"

Leliana's eyes darted between the two of them, and she slid around the Inquisitor before circling him with a smirk. "It seems you two have met before. My, my – I can sense that there is a story here."

"We are old friends," Kagome answered for him, with a laugh. "I was briefly a mage under his protection a long time ago."

Cullen didn't know how to react. She had called him a friend, even after how he had treated her. It both made him feel a sense of joy he hadn't felt in many years and a sense of heartache. He didn't know what to do, what to say, especially with the eyes of everyone in the room on him, so he just defaulted to his usual response.

"I, uh, I forgot that I have to go and train some new recruits."

And he turned tail and fled through the door, practically sprinting away from them all, chased by the sound of their booming laughs.

Cullen was a coward.

He let out a grunt of frustration, his hands gripping the wood of his desk and tipping it onto its side. The crash and mess that followed were almost therapeutic, but the energy that danced underneath his skin didn't ease, and so he paced around the mess.

He was a _fucking_ coward.

Golden eyes roamed the room for something else he could destroy, and his eyes fell to his chair that had remained undisturbed in his frustration. Gripping the wood, he suddenly felt exhausted and instead of throwing it against the wall he just turned and slumped into it, fingers rubbing tiredly at his aching temples.

The door opened, and he didn't have to look up to know who it was.

"I like what you've done with the place," Kagome said casually, eyes roaming over the papers that were strewn about and the desk tipped on its side, helplessly. She pouted, feeling sorry for the poor thing.

Despite himself, Cullen laughed hoarsely, it coming out as a half sob as tears stung at his eyes. Of _course_ , she would see him like this. He had brought himself so far, but now their reunion was tainted by his own cowardice. ' _Much like our initial friendship,'_ He thought, bitterly.

Kagome carefully stepped over the mess, and slowly approached Cullen, whose head rested in his hands, fingers still half-massaging, half-digging into his temples. She placed a gentle hand on his back, undeterred when he stiffened under her gentle touch and began rubbing soothing circles into his back. Cullen slumped even further, and when he finally spoke he sounded so defeated it broke her heart. "How can you act like everything is okay?"

Kagome stared at the broken man before her and she felt guilt at ever leaving the tower and him behind. When she had met him, they were both new to the tower, and although he had never said it, she felt like maybe he needed a friend as much as she had. She had been terrified, so far from home, given away as part of a peace treaty she had no say in.

She had enjoyed the countless hours they had spent in her first few months at the tower, had enjoyed their conversations and the safety that being around him provided. She knew there were other Templars in the tower who were cruel, the ones who were guarding her dorms were mean and violent, but Cullen wasn't like that. The other senior Mages and Templars had given her preferential treatment by allowing her free roaming of almost all of the Tower and by giving her one on one lessons with Irving, the other Mages had resented her. She heard their whispers about her, their suppositions at her character and what she was doing to get her 'privileges' and so she had found it hard to make friends amongst even her fellow kind. Cullen had been her only friend.

So when he had begun to push her away to outright ignoring her and transferring to another part of the tower – a part even she wasn't allowed to go into – Kagome had been beyond hurt. She felt adrift in a sea of foreigners, alone and scared.

And there were the rumours that Cullen had entered a relationship with an older Mage apprentice. Noble born Amells lust for the templar was hardly a secret, and Kagome had felt a stirring of jealousy that he had pushed away her friendship, perhaps so he could be with _her_?

She had cried herself to sleep and eventually, it turned into a determination to grow. Cullen had decided to try and move forward with his life, so why shouldn't she? Her friends and family back home wouldn't want her to be miserable, either.

And hadn't she been sent to Ferelden as a peace offering? Wasn't she a symbol of her homelands power and charity? She wasn't supposed to be locked away in a tower. She was supposed to be out there, helping people, showing them the grace of her Inu no Taishou, wasn't she?

So she decided to throw herself into her lessons with Irving, had pushed him to challenge her and then pushed him to let her do the harrowing. She had been forbidden from telling him the full extent of her power, only a few in Ferelden were privy to the knowledge of what she was, so it was hard to explain to the kindly older Mage that she would be fine, that he needn't worry about any demons from corrupting her.

Eventually, he had relented and she had been called forth one day to perform the ritual. "Kagome, if you complete this at this age you know there'll be others that take notice of you. You will most likely be coveted by those who seek to have your power." Irving had said one night as they sat with a steaming cup of tea, their nightly ritual. She had told him that she was ready and that she wanted to be needed by someone, to be helpful. Irving seemed unconvinced but had decided on keeping those thoughts to himself.

When she had entered the Harrowing chamber she had instantly noticed Amell and Cullen's close forms. It was a miracle that Gregoire hadn't commented on it, he would usually call out such obvious displays of fraternization as he called it, and she felt a bit bitter that for once he was letting it slide. She didn't let the display phase her, locked away her sadness and pushed it to the back. In the months between them, she had come to the realization that it was unfair for her to expect him to go against his oaths just to be her friend – or _more._ He had worked hard to be where he was, and now she had thought about it, she felt guilty and childish forever being angry at him for his distance. It was obvious that they could never be anything more than ward and protector.

It was clear, however, that Amell didn't seem to think the same, and was more than happy to push a difficult relationship with him. And if he took her up on it? Well, she would have to learn not to be so bitter and just be happy for him.

Still, despite her thoughts she couldn't look at him, didn't dare look at him lest her resolve waver, even when his concern for her warmed and broke her heart. Even when the blasted Gregoire noticed said concern. And so, she just airily dismissed them all and jumped right into the Harrowing.

When she had stepped into the fade she had been in awe. She wanted to spend hours there, wanted to catalogue everything and learn more, more, _more_! The teachings of the fade here were not the same as back in her homeland of Higashiyama, which taught that the fade wasn't as much the tainted homeland of the Maker as it was a realm that was once merged with their own. They say a powerful Kami had created a barrier, separating the worlds to protect the mortal kind from the youkai that roamed the land.

The differences in beliefs fascinated her, which is what drew her to the great library in the first place. Reading had helped her to grasp the language as well as giving her more knowledge about her new home than she could ever get from simply asking people.

As soon as she had entered the fade, her power had released itself, the demonic energy clashing with her own, and she followed the burn against her senses until she came face to face with the demon that vacated her part of the fade. The lust demon had taunted her, and all it took was one mention of Cullen's name for her to release the energy within her, instantly purifying the low-level demon.

Her power had pushed itself outwards, no longer under her control and purified the barrier between fade and reality, and when she opened her eyes – when had she shut them? – she was standing back in the Harrowing chamber. Everyone was staring at her, eyes wide and all were unable to stand completely. Kagome wasn't sure what had happened, she didn't know how it all ended so quickly – one minute she was glaring down at the demon, the next she was back in the harrowing chamber.

Irving was the first to stand, and he had clapped his hands heartily. "That was incredible! Well done my dear Kagome, you are now a official member of the Circle of Magi."

That day was ten years ago, but she remembers it so clearly. Now twenty-six, it seemed like a hundred years have passed instead of just twelve. She had decided it was better for her to leave, had committed herself to it but now she wondered if she had acted out of bitterness instead of kindness. She had told herself if she left she could help people – and she _had_ – but had she left just because she felt wronged? Was she truly such a spiteful person?

And she had heard about what happened at the circle, and she _knew_ if she had been there she would've been able to stop it, and maybe if she had stopped that he wouldn't have gone to Kirkwall and had to suffer through that?

Kagome couldn't take back the years of hurt that her actions may have caused. She couldn't turn back time.

But she could make a start on helping him heal, maybe helping them both heal.

"Cullen, I'm sorry," she said, after several long minutes. She stopped her soothing movements on his back and twisted awkwardly so she could loop her arms around his shoulders and rest her head against his, her cheek pressed against his. "I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry you had to go through everything alone. I'm sorry you're hurting now,"

Cullen's body began to shake slightly, and she wasn't sure if maybe she was causing more damage but then his arms wrapped around her waist and she was suddenly straddling him in his chair, his face buried in the juncture of her neck and shoulder as he breathed deeply. "I missed you so much," He croaked.

Kagome smiled despite herself. "I missed you too, Cullen." Her fingers combed through his hair, his destroying the previously near immaculate style. She raised her eyebrow, noting that his interest in his appearance to this degree was new to her. What happened to the cute awkward teen and who replaced him with this _man_?

Cullen himself was dealing with a similar thought. When he had known Kagome she was fourteen to his eighteen and so tiny, with beautiful dainty features and he had always known then that she would be a beautiful woman, but he hadn't known just how gorgeous she would be, and said gorgeous woman was pressed against him so intimately, his face inches away from her chest. If anyone would see them now, there would be a scandal. Josephine would have a fit, and Leliana would tease him mercilessly, much like a little sister would.

Cullen breathed in sharply at the realisation of just how compromising a position they were in, the soft sweet scent of her making him groan internally. "U-um, Cullen?" She whispered, and he lifted his eyes up to meet hers, the position meaning their faces were only a hairsbreadth aware from each other. "C-Can I get up now?"

Cullen was incredibly embarrassed and worried he had crossed a line too far, but her own dazed expression and pink cheeks left him feeling satisfied and a little hopeful that maybe he had the same effect on her as she had on him. Turning his head away, he gave a little cough and dropped his arms from her waist, leaning back so she had room to move. "Ah, sorry – I just, erm, er…"

Kagome smiled, sliding off of his lap and turning to hide her face. She pressed her hands to her cheeks to cool them, and then when she felt more composed turned to face him and offered her hand to him. He smiled at her warmly, the action sending fire through her veins, and she helped him to his feet. She tilted her head, noticing the scar that curved over his lip.

"Woah~ cool scar, how did you get that?" She lifted herself onto her tiptoes to peer up at his face, one hand steadying herself on his shoulder while the other turned his head to her gaze. Cullen let her manipulate his body with an amused expression, seemingly content with her sudden fascination with him.

"In Kirkwall, during the battle between Meredith and Hawke, when I expressed my support for Hawke another Templar, enraged at my apparent treachery attacked me." Kagome's expression melded into one of worry, but he offered a lopsided smile. "It is okay, Kagome, I did to him much worse than he did to me."

Kagome tsk'd, shaking her head. "I'm not sure if I should find that comforting, Cullen." Lowering herself, she took a step back and crossed her arms across her chest as she eyed him. "But I am glad to see you again. I had heard that the Inquisition had made use of the former Knight-Commander of Kirkwall."

Did that mean she had been keeping track of him? "Why didn't you come here sooner, if you knew I was here?" He asked, voice harder than he intended. He couldn't stop the hurt that laced his tone.

Kagome looked down, guiltily. "I…I had heard about the things that you had suffered at the hands of my kind. I was scared what your reaction would be if you saw me again. I didn't want to cause you any distress, and to be honest I would understand it if you _did_ hate my kind."

"But you came when Leliana asked for you?" He understood her reasoning, but it didn't explain why she was here if she had avoided him for so long.

Kagome's took on an intense look to them, the same determined set of her gaze that he saw so long ago in the Harrowing chamber. "I will never turn my back on someone who asks for my help, Cullen. Even if I am afraid."

Cullen laughed, but it was a short bitter laugh. "So, all this time, I only needed to tell you that I needed you?"

As soon as the words fell from his mouth they both stopped and stared at each other.

His stomach sank as a slow, wide smile almost split her face in two. Glee radiated from her, and he swore he saw her skin glow slightly. "Aw, you _need_ me, Cullen?"

"Wow, this is incredibly touching," Leliana drawled, leaning against the doorway casually. Both Kagome and Cullen whirled around to face her guiltily, like children caught stealing treats from the kitchens. Cullen knew he was blushing, but he was glad he wasn't the only one because Kagome looked like she was about to combust. "We did actually have a lot more to discuss in our meeting today, would you both care to join us? Or would you prefer we leave you to your privacy?"

Kagome leapt away from him, walking stiffly out the door and laughing awkwardly. "Oh my, I love meetings. Never had enough of them back in the old Ferelden courts. Talking. It's great, love all of that talking and planning."

Leliana's eyes were devilish, and he couldn't believe that someone such as her was once a chantry sister. "I can tell you have spent a lot of time alongside Alistair since he became King, Lady Kagome," Their awkward ramblings were so similar, it was uncanny. Leliana turned and trailed after Kagome, who was continuing to talk, as if filling the silence between them all would diffuse the lingering uncomfortableness.

Cullen watched them and smiled softly.

Kagome had settled into life in Skyhold with an ease that spoke of someone who spent her time travelling from place to place. She made her nest in the library along with Dorian, and the two formed a strong friendship almost instantly, but then again, she seemed to do the same with every member of the Inquisition, floating about and building connections.

It had surprised him, how eloquent and diplomatic she could be, and it seemed almost strange now that he and Irving had ever worried about how she would hold up in the courts. She was a natural, with people and people would flock to her just to get a moment of her attention.

The Inquisitor, Lavellan, had joked once that perhaps she should've been Inquisitor and asked if it was too late to bequeath his title to her. Everyone had laughed, and Kagome had joked that the wiry elf just wanted to be free of the eternal paperwork that leadership involved and everyone knew that both things had a sliver of truth in them. It was no secret that Lavellan despised the paperwork he was inundated with whenever he returned from a mission or patrol.

Kagome had become a frequent party member in the Inquisitor's forays out into the wilderness and Cullen help but be beside himself with worry each time she left. He knew she could look after herself, she had obviously managed to do it for several years on her own, but he knew how gruelling it could be out there. The countless horrors they encountered. Some days demons weren't the worst of what they had to face.

He worried and secretly, he was jealous of all the time everyone else seemed to steal from her. It was selfish, he could not – _would_ not – keep her from the others, but between the missions and their growing group's almost constant need for her attention Cullen worried that he was unwittingly being pushed out. The jealousy was thick and potent and he hated himself for it, but it was something he couldn't completely push away. She had a powerful magnetism that drew people – himself – in, and even the dour elf treated her a lot kinder than he did any of the others.

Cullen sighed, running a hand through his hand and putting down the scroll he had been trying to read several times over. When she was away his mind would often run in these circles, repeatedly. ' _Now she is back in my life, shouldn't this be easier?_ '

The candle to his left had melted down, red wax dripping onto his desk and a glance up at the hole in his ceiling – he _still_ needed to fix that – allowed him to see that the sun had long since bid farewell. He had been sat in the dark and hadn't even realised.

He wondered what Kagome was doing, was she safe?

What would she tell him if she was there now?

"Don't you think you should go to bed, you're going to make yourself ill."

Cullen whirled around, heart racing as he saw her – the object of almost all his recent thoughts – leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed and a smirk quirking her soft lips upwards.

"W-what are you doing here? I thought you were in the Brecilian Forest?"

Kagome smiled brightly, pushing away from the door and inviting herself into his room. "I _was_ , until like, twenty minutes ago?" She cocked her head to the side, counting in her head before nodding. "I thought I'd come regale you tales of my heroism and make sure my favourite Commander was keeping to the sleeping schedule I made." She paused to look him over. "Evidently, he isn't, so I might have to downgrade him from favourite to the second favourite."

"I am the _only_ Commander you know." He said, smirking, his pride at his position still strong all these months after it was given to him.

"If you don't sleep we might have to find a replacement Commander because ours will be dead from fatigue." Kagome glared at him and Cullen held his hands up in mock surrender. "I will not keep lecturing you, but _please_ , get some rest."

"And what about you, you have been away for two weeks and have clearly ridden through the day and evening to get here. Why aren't you resting?" His own voice took on a stern edge, and Kagome couldn't stop herself from snorting when he tried to be authoritative with _her_.

She hopped up to sit on his desk, messing up his papers and sticking her tongue out childishly at his huff of annoyance at messing his neat stacks up. "What? I thought you would be excited to know that I'm home early!" Kagome leant over and rested her head on his feather shoulder pauldrons, sighing happily.

Automatically his arm wrapped around her and he tucked her into his side. It was rare for him to get these moments with her and he would no ruin it by complaining. "How was your trip?" He asked, softly, watching the shadows on the wall of their two forms flicker with contentment.

"There was no red templars spotted. I think it's because the forest is actively hostile to almost anything within it. I got attacked by sentient tree's Cullen." Kagome lifted her head to stare at him incredulously, and he laughed at the expression. "Sentient trees!" Kagome sunk back down into his side, curling around him almost like a kitten. When he rubbed a hand down her side she almost purred like one, too. So he did it again, chucking when she squirmed and mewled her laughter. "Cullen! This is serious, I don't think we have to worry about Corypheus or the breach or even the blight, those trees are pure _evil_."

"I do remember Leliana regaling me with similar tales of the Brecilian Forest. Sounds very treacherous indeed."

Kagome narrowed her eyes, head turning in the direction of where he knew Leliana would be in the old castle. "Of _course_ she knew. No wonder she was smirking when she handed Lavellan the mission statement. Oooh, I'll get her. Hope she enjoys petrified wood in _her_ sleeping quarters!"

The two laughed, and Cullen felt like all is right in the world. It didn't take long for Cullen to feel himself begin to drift off, much to his disappointment, and Kagome had giggled at him and nudged him up the ladder to his 'room' before bidding him farewell and going to her own bed for a well-deserved rest.

Cullen watched from the rafters as Kagome sat with Solas and admired his paintings, drawing the apostate into telling her the story behind each and every one. Leliana coughed, bringing his attention back to the chess match her was _supposed_ to be playing with the red-haired spymaster, who noted his stare with a pointed look.

"You are so obvious," She commented, not even looking at him as she tapped her lip while she decided on her next move. She let out a little 'Aha' when she decided on a move, and quickly moved her piece, taking one of his rooks. He scowled, frustrated at the loss of his piece and at the sound of Kagome's tinkering laughter from below.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said, sharper than he intended, which only managed to give him away even more.

"Stop pouting, Cullen. I think you should tell her how you feel." Leliana suggested, leaning back on her hands while she waited for him to make his move.

"I _don't_ know what you're talking about." He insisted, between grit teeth. Leliana didn't understand. Why would Kagome want a broken man like him who still couldn't talk about how he felt when she could have her literal pick of the host of men – and women – who fawned over her.

"Before it's too late."

Down below there was a crash and then a smash.

Kagome laughed again and he turned his eyes back to watch as she clutched her stomach, doubled over laughing at Solas who had been holding a tray of inks now was instead wearing it. "W-whoops?" She hiccupped, unable to breathe long enough to stop giggling. "I warned you that I would only bring you destruction!"

"This is too familiar to the Storm Cost Incident," He groused, arms held out at his sides as he assessed the damage to himself.

This only made Kagome laugh harder, crying now. Solas took this opportunity to slowly skulk to her side, sliding up until he was behind her. "I thought we p-promised to never speak of that event again?" She asked, looking up and then confused when she couldn't see the sneaky elf. "Solas?"

"Behind you," said elf breathed, causing Kagome to stiffen as the slender male wrapped deceptively strong arms around her waist, pressing her back against his messy front, smearing the inks and paints all over her.

"Let me go!" Kagome squealed, breathless and laughing, still, but her cheeks were hot.

Cullen growled at the sight, not feeling the stab of pain in his hand as he crushed the knight piece in his hand. Leliana levelled him with a pointed stare, which he missed because he was too busy peering over the railings.

"Yes, yes, this is all very amusing," Came the sarcastic Tevinter drawl of Dorian who had lent his head over the railings of the library to glare down at the duo below. "But maybe we can have some consideration for those of us who are, oh I don't know, concentrating?" Cullen resisted the urge to nod. It wasn't very often he agreed with the mage, but in this situation, he definitely did.

Kagome apologized, but her tone suggested she wasn't too sorry, and she sent Dorian a smile that screamed mischief. "Heeey Dorian~" She sang, making her way towards the door that lead to the stairs to the library. "Fancy a hug?"

Dorian gripped the railing with one hand and pointed a long finger at her accusingly. "No, don't you _dare_ , keep your filth away from me!"

But Kagome seemed unconcerned and less than a minute later there was the sound of a small scuffle below them and Dorian let out a howl of outrage. "Why you little she-devil – you _best_ run because when I'm through with you I _will_ kill you!"

Cullen could practically hear the smirk in her voice. "You'll have to catch me first, Dorian." And with that she vaulted over the railing of the library, waving Solas and throwing him a cheeky wink before dashing out the door and into the main hall.

Cullen silently seethed, unable to remove the glare on his face. Leliana coughed, bringing his attention back to her. "So, what are you going to do?"

Cullen growled something underneath his breath and slammed his piece down on the chessboard and made his way back to his office – his safe space – to sulk in peace.

When he was gone, Leliana shook her head, wondering if it would be improper of her to get involved and maybe _push_ the two together. Maybe she could convince Josephine to join in on the fun?

The meeting was interrupted by the sharp tap of one of Leliana's Raven's tapping against the glass to the window of the War Room. Leliana frowned, pushing open the window so the bird could hop into the room. It chirped its thanks, beady eyes watching as it's owner retrieved a note that was attached to the avians neck.

Leliana read over it, horror paling her features. Immediately her eyes found his and fear clamped its icy hands over his heart, squeezing viciously. She didn't need to say it, but she said it anyway. "It's Kagome –" He pushed himself to his feet, his chair clattering to the floor as he rushed to leave and do something, _anything._ Leliana was faster, her hand wrapping around his arm and holding him. He wanted to twist his arm free but he knew better. "They are all returning with her, they reckon they will be here by nightfall."

"What happened?" He snarled, pacing the floor as soon as her pale hand dropped from his arm.

Josephine stood, instantly preparing for their fallen companions' arrival, speaking to her servant in hushed, hurried whispers.

Leliana looked away and he knew she was avoiding answering him. Without thinking, he reached over and grabbed her arms, shaking her. "What _happened?_ " He hissed, his heart in his throat. "Tell me Leliana." Wordlessly she handed him the note and he cursed his eyes for their lack of focus as he struggled to read through it.

Varric's handwriting, although hurried, was legible. He wrote that they were ambushed by a group of Red Templars. A Red Templar Shadow had snuck in close to the Inquisitor, but Kagome had managed to push him out of the way, the warped creatures red lyrium infused arm cutting through her side.

Cullen closed his eyes, letting the letter drop to the floor and let out a shaky breath.

Was this what Leliana had meant by 'before it's too late'? He had imagined that she meant that someone else would swoop in and steal her heart, but not this. He had never entertained the thought that she could ever be completely gone.

Leliana rested a tentative hand against his shoulder, listening to his ragged breathing, "Oh Maker," Cullen said finally, breathing harshly. "Oh Maker please let her live."

And for the first time in years, Cullen prayed for her survival.

It was two agonizing hours later that Kagome was carried through the gates. The Inquisitor held her in his arms, one arm securing her to his chest while the other gripped the reigns of his horse. In the distance behind him where the rest of their troupe, whose horses were all much slower than the Inquisitor's prized steed.

The two came to an abrupt stop, and Cullen was already beside them, his own arms wrapping around her, unconcerned about the blood which soaked his shirt or trousers. He lifted a shaky hand to her pale and sticky face, unsteady fingers brushing past her bangs and golden eyes roaming over her body and swallowing thickly when he saw the large gash at her side.

"I'm sorry," Lavellan said lamely, his own voice was shaky and raw, and tears were building up in the corner of his eyes.

Cullen wanted to hate him. Wanted to tell him that he wished that it was him who had taken the blow, wanted to curse him but he didn't. He didn't dare look the man in the eyes, however, worried he would see his burning anger there. Instead, he kept his eyes locked on her face as he turned and stalked towards to room Josephine had set up for her arrival.

"Commander," Solas said, sliding into the room and couching at her side, hand hovering over the wound. "I had attempted to heal the wound, however I could not."

Cullen glared at the elf, wondering if this was his idea of pleasant and soothing conversation. "And why not?" He ground out, fingers clenching and unclenching.

Solas seemed unconcerned by his hostile nature and instead let magic flair to life in his palm. The sickly green light of healing magic flickered, and Solas reached out attempting to bring the healing touch to her wound. A familiar almost lightning-like energy crackled to life, surging towards the elf and burning him, his own magic flickering and faltering in the face of her power. "Every time I try this happens," He explained, shaking his now charred hand to ease the sting of her power. "It's _fascinating_ – I have never seen a power like this," He mused.

"I do not think that _this_ is the time to be studying her, Apostate," He spat, frustrated at his lack of concern.

Solas smirked in the face of his anger, and it only fuelled his rage more. "I might be more concerned, but her own magic is healing her, look."

Cullen wasn't sure if he could believe the elf, it should be impossible for her to heal herself without the use of a spell to bind the magic. But he leant in close, watching with wide eyes when he indeed saw the skin fusing together, slowly, so slowly you would miss it if you didn't look intently.

Kagome came to three days later, a sharp gasp ripping itself from her throat as she lurched upright, breathing out a panicked, "Lavellan!" A weight was pressing itself into her lap, and she glanced down, frenzied and feeling trapped until she saw the familiar golden curls of none other than Cullen Rutherford. Ice-blue eyes roamed over the room, noting the threadbare yet familiar stone walls of Skyhold, lit low in candlelight.

Kagome remembered the pain that had cut her almost in half, remembered feeling the world go black as she purified the Templar and sagged to the ground. Remembered hearing the frantic screams of her friends. She was sure she had died, but beneath her skin she could feel her own ki swirling within her, brushing against her skin from within and strengthening it, healing it.

Kagome lifted a hand and absentmindedly ran her fingers through Cullen's curls, feeling the sweat that kept it slick. She knew without needed to see it that he would have dark smudges beneath his eyes from staying at her side, worry keeping him up throughout the nights as she healed. "I'm sorry for worrying you, Cullen," she whispered softly.

After a second, Cullen let out a shuddering sigh. "And so you should be," The blonde rumbled, pressing his head into her hand and his hands shaking and twisting in her sheets. His whole body shook, and she realised he was crying. "Oh Maker, I thought I lost you."

"I'm right here, Cullen. It's okay, I'm okay."

"It's not okay!" Cullen snarled, lifting his face from her lap and revealing to just how full of despair had been. "I couldn't bare the thought of losing you, I was ready to follow you into the dark!"

Kagome's lip wobbled, tears burning before falling and cascading down her pale cheeks. She whimpered out her desperate apologies, and Cullen was awash with guilt. "Shh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fingers reaching out hurriedly to brush away the tears. "Please don't cry, Kagome, I was just so worried," Kagome only cried harder, hiccupping as she struggled to breathe through the tears. Kagome shrugged away from his hands, and he worried that he had hurt her deeply by yelling at her as soon as she woke up, but then she launched herself into his chest, her arms wrapping around his neck as she cried into his chest.

He shifted so he was lying on the large bed with her, holding her tight to his chest and running his hands gently down her back like she would to him when he was stressed. Kagome eventually quieted, her cries slowing into the occasional sob and then just a few sniffles. Kagome had manoeuvred so her body was between his legs, her ear pressed against his chest as they both just held each other.

After a time, Kagome giggled slightly and Cullen squeezed her gently, prompting her to say, "Your heart is still racing a mile per minute."

Cullen buried his head in her head, shrugging, embarrassed that his own body would give away his own feelings. "I was so scared that I lost you." He mumbled, lips brushing against the crown of her head. Guilt at how he had yelled at her ate away at him, and he pulled back slightly. "K-Kagome I must apologize for my temper,"

Kagome refused to let him apologize because she leaned up and pressed her lips against his, stealing the words right from out of his mouth. Her kiss was chaste and gentle but lingered. By the time he had come back to his body, Kagome had moved back to her position, her ear pressed against his chest once more with a giggling. "Now it's beating even faster!"

Cullen felt his head fall back with a groan.

"Makers Breath, you're going to be the end of me."


End file.
